Mara why?

"Mara why...why do I keep doing this to myself?"
Lately, I've found me asking myself that question. If it's not studying enough for a test, it's holding on to that one ex that you know is toxic. We keep on making decisions that we know will end up getting us into trouble.

Firstly, you KNOW that if you don't get your act together and start studying (like I should be doing right now) there's no way you're gonna pass that test, right. Mara why do we keep on doing it? Well there's usually always something better to do than to study. For some of us studying is boring, but we eventually do it cause we don't want the folks breathing down our necks about wasted school fees when you fail a module at the end of the semester. Therefore, we pull ourselves towards ourselves and get to it.

Earlier today I had an encounter with sort of an ex - I made a decision purely based on emotions and forgot about the things I'd promised myself and God, that I'd never  do again. (Okay maybe I didn't totally forget, I just chose to put my promise aside) I felt soooo bad afterwards that I even cried, like hectically, because I know the consequences of my behaviour could be devastating...

Kodwa ke manje it's no time for "should haves" and "could haves"...it's time to face the music, no matter how loud it is.

**as I go back to studying**